I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
