You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is my gift to your gina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
