I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would ride that face into the sunset
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
