i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's Friday. Sex?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I could make wine with my vomit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
