I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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