dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
