If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
