debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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