I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Michael Bay diarrhea
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
