I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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