I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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