He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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