how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
