My room smells like vodka and shame
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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