just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
