This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize