he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
