It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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