Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
MIDGETS
????
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
