I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
