So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
