He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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