first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
