If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
