Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
