You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
