I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
