one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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