I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
