the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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