we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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