I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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