dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
