You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
