So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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