I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
