Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
