he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
His nipple licking is glorious
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