i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
