everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
