2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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