oh god the rape fog is back!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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