Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
