i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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