What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
