I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I faked an abortion last night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
