There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize