We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
