Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
