Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
