Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
