you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
