i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
