you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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