The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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