Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
