it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize