So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
