He uses pillows to masturbate.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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