Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
