I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize