Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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