he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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