guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
