My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
