he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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