if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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