my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
