oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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