Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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