the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
