Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
