I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
