he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize