How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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