I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
