A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
