i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
