Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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