Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
