stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
