i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
