I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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