Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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