His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
