It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize