i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
