you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
