It's Friday. Sex?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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