remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
