the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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