it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
