so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
